What Should You Do if Your Ex Talks Badly about You to Your Kids?

Romantic breakups take a toll on everyone—especially the children involved.

If you had to end a relationship with your child's other parent, what would you do if things remained toxic following the split? 

There's a common theme in these child custody battle situations: one (or both) of the parents talk badly about the other in front of the kids.

There's no doubt this worsens the situation not only for the parents involved but for almost everyone, and it still happens all the time.

You shouldn't ignore such an important issue as it is one of the signs your ex is turning your child against you.

Here's what to do if your co-parent intentionally talking badly about you to your kids (or being manipulative by trying to make your kids feel a certain way about you): 

1. Be the Model Example for Your Child

It's simple: be the example you want your child to see. It can be difficult to set emotions aside, but your kids come first.

I know you believe that simply because you're reading this blog post. 

If you give your kids an example of who you truly are, they won't believe what their other parent says about you.

You should continue to be the solid, dependable, and loving parent you are—trusting that your child will see that through your words and actions. 

2. Don't Involve Your Kids in the Conversation Further

Your children are already going through a lot of change during the high-conflict divorce; involving your children any further would just hurt them worse.

Not only would involving your child cause more stress with issues like domestic violence, but it would also open you up to court issues.

Don't try to convince them that you're a good parent (or person!) by spending time rebutting what their other parent said about you: show them.

Instead of adding more fuel to the fire, protect your child's life and the peace by not involving them and quietly keeping track of everything the other parent says about you. 

If you are dealing with a stay-at-home mom for divorce, you should read this article and all of your doubts will be gone.

3. Keep Track of All Evidence

You should keep track of any tangible evidence that demonstrates your co-parent is manipulating your child and speaking badly about you.

Keep a file of text messages, voicemails, emails, and social media posts that would exhibit this behavior to the court. 

4. Get Your Child into Counseling

While it's hurtful to know that your child is hearing negative comments about you, it's most important to remember that this situation impacts your child the most.

Children are extremely sensitive to what's happening around them; your child might be silently struggling more than you realize.

The best way to show your child that you love and care for them is to get them in children's therapy.

They'll be better equipped to navigate the uncharted waters of having their parents split—especially when the co-parenting relationship is a rocky one. 

FAQs (Frequently Asked Questions)

1. How Should I Respond When My Child Tells Me About Negative Comments from My Ex?

When your child shares that your ex-spouse has spoken negatively about you, it's important to respond calmly and reassuringly.

Acknowledge their feelings and let them know it's okay to feel upset or confused.

Avoid criticizing your ex in return, as this can put your child in a difficult position. Instead, focus on affirming your love and commitment to your child, ensuring they feel safe and supported.

2. At What Point Should I Consider Legal Action If My Ex Continues to Speak Badly of Me to Our Children?

Legal action should be considered if the negative comments are severely impacting your parent-child relationship.

It doesn't feel good when your ex wants to end a healthy relationship with your child.
Parental alienation occurs when one parent intentionally manipulates a child and while alienating parent child fears rejection, creating a strained relationship with the other parent.

If you suspect parental alienation, it's advisable to consult with a family law attorney or a divorce lawyer If you are in the divorce process.

They can guide you on the appropriate steps to take, such as mediation, counseling, or, in extreme cases, court intervention.

3. Can Seeking Professional Help Benefit My Children in This Situation?

Yes, seeking professional help can be very beneficial for children in these situations.

A child psychologist or counselor can provide a safe space for your child to express their feelings and learn coping strategies.

This professional support can help mitigate the emotional stress caused by hearing negative comments about a parent and can aid in maintaining a healthy mental and emotional state for your child.

Conclusion

Dealing with a situation where your ex-partner speaks negatively about you to your children can be incredibly challenging and emotionally taxing.

However, it's crucial to remember that your primary focus should always be on the child's well-being and their emotional health.

Throughout this difficult period, strive to be a model of strength, stability, and positivity for them.

It's important to resist the urge to engage in similar negative discussions about your ex-partner.

Instead, lead by example, demonstrating love, respect, and maturity. Children are perceptive and, in time, they will be able to see the truth for themselves.

If necessary, don't hesitate to seek legal counsel to ensure that your rights and your children's best interests are protected.

Additionally, consider professional support for yourself and your children to navigate these complex emotional waters.

Ultimately, the goal is to foster a safe, nurturing environment for your children, where they can grow and thrive, free from the stress of adult conflicts.

By focusing on positive parenting and maintaining your own emotional health, you'll be better equipped to support your children through this challenging time.

Are you in the middle of a custody battle with a narcissist?

Consider signing up for Judge Anthony's free masterclass to help you learn how to beat a narcissist in court. You shouldn't present evidence that your co-parent is speaking badly about you in the wrong way (it could ruin your case). It's critical that you come up with a strategic and methodical plan that gives you a higher chance of winning—keeping your child safe and happy with you.