Weird Things Covert Narcissists Do That You Should Know

Covert narcissism is a more subtle and insidious form of narcissistic personality disorder, often making it difficult to identify.

Unlike an overt narcissist, who is openly grandiose and attention-seeking, covert narcissists exhibit a quieter, more reserved demeanor.

This distinction is crucial because the hidden nature of their narcissism can lead to significant emotional and psychological harm to those around them.

What are the weird things covert narcissists do?

Covert narcissists exhibit strange behaviors like emotional manipulation, subtle aggression, and concealed self-glorification to maintain control and feed their need for validation.

Key Takeaways:

• Covert narcissists use subtle manipulation tactics like gaslighting, silent treatment, and feigned victimhood to control others.

• They exhibit strategic charm, concealed self-glorification, and hidden envy toward others' success.

• Covert narcissists struggle to form genuine connections, often relying on role-playing and seeking constant external validation.

Recognizing Covert Narcissism

Recognizing covert narcissistic behavior is essential for protecting oneself and understanding some weird thing covert narcissists do.

Covert narcissists often engage in behaviors that are perplexing and difficult to pinpoint.

These behaviors can range from subtle manipulation tactics to more overt forms of emotional abuse.

The Importance of Awareness

Understanding these strange behaviors is the first step in identifying and dealing with a covert narcissist.

This knowledge can empower individuals to set boundaries and protect their mental health.

Strange Behaviors of Covert Narcissists

In the following sections, we will delve into the various strange things covert narcissists do.

From their manipulation tactics to their emotional abuse methods, we will explore the patterns and habits that define covert narcissism.

Why Covert Narcissists Are Uniquely Challenging

By shedding light on these behaviors, we aim to provide a comprehensive understanding of what makes covert narcissists so uniquely challenging to deal with.

Emotional Manipulation

Covert Narcissists and Emotional Manipulation

Covert narcissists are masters of emotional manipulation, using a range of subtle tactics to gain control over their victims.

These individuals often struggle with empathy, having an inflated sense of self-importance that drives their need for constant validation and admiration.

Their behaviors are particularly insidious, as their tactics are often difficult to detect, making their emotional manipulation even more powerful and harmful to their victims.

Why Awareness is Crucial

Understanding these methods is crucial for recognizing and protecting oneself from covert narcissistic behavior.

By recognizing the signs, individuals can take steps to safeguard their emotional well-being.

Subtle Tactics to Gain Control

Manipulation Tactics of Covert Narcissists

Covert narcissists use a variety of subtle tactics to manipulate and control those around them.

These methods are often so understated that they can be easily overlooked or misinterpreted.

Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a common tactic used by covert narcissists to make their victims doubt their own perceptions and reality.

By consistently denying or distorting the truth, the narcissist creates confusion and self-doubt in their target.

This can lead to the victim questioning their own sanity, making them more dependent on the narcissist for validation and reality checks.

Silent Treatment

The silent treatment is another favorite tool of covert narcissists.

By refusing to communicate or acknowledge the victim, the narcissist exerts control and punishes the victim for perceived slights.

This tactic creates a sense of isolation and helplessness, forcing the victim to seek reconciliation and approval from the narcissist.

Feigned Victimhood

Covert narcissists often portray themselves as victims to elicit sympathy and manipulate others.

By exaggerating or fabricating their own suffering, they divert attention away from their abusive behavior and gain emotional leverage over their victims.

This tactic also serves to disarm potential critics and create a protective shield around the narcissist.

Hidden Aggression

Subtle Aggression in Covert Narcissism

Individuals with overt narcissism traits may display blatant aggression, covert narcissists prefer more subtle forms of hostility.

These hidden forms of aggression can be just as damaging, if not more so, due to their insidious nature.

Passive-Aggressive Remarks

Covert narcissists frequently use passive-aggressive remarks to undermine and belittle their victims.

These comments are often disguised as jokes or offhand remarks, making them difficult to confront directly.

The cumulative effect of these remarks can erode the victim's self-esteem and create a sense of inadequacy.

Backhanded Compliments

Backhanded compliments are another form of hidden aggression used by covert narcissists.

These comments appear complimentary on the surface but contain an underlying insult or criticism.

For example, a covert narcissist might say, "You look great for your age," implying that the person is old but managing to look decent.

These remarks are designed to confuse and destabilize the victim.

Undermining Others' Confidence

Covert narcissists often engage in behaviors that subtly undermine the confidence of those around them.

This can include questioning the victim's decisions, offering unsolicited advice, or highlighting their mistakes.

By chipping away at the victim's self-assurance, the narcissist ensures that they remain in a position of power and control.

Strategic Charm

The Strategic Charm of Covert Narcissists

One of the most perplexing aspects of covert narcissism is the strategic use of charm.

Covert narcissists can be incredibly charming and likable when it suits their purposes, making it difficult for others to see their true nature.

Love-Bombing

Love-bombing is a tactic where the covert narcissist showers their victim with excessive affection, attention, and praise.

This creates an intense emotional bond, making the victim feel special and valued.

However, this phase is often short-lived and followed by periods of neglect or abuse, creating a cycle of dependency and confusion.

Selective Kindness

Covert narcissists are skilled at using selective kindness to manipulate those around them.

They may be kind and generous in public or when they want something, but cold and indifferent in private.

This inconsistency keeps the victim off-balance and constantly seeking the narcissist's approval.

Inconsistent Empathy

While overt narcissists may lack empathy altogether, covert narcissists can display selective empathy when it serves their interests.

They may appear understanding and compassionate in some situations, only to be indifferent or cruel in others.

This unpredictability creates instability in the relationship, leaving the victim confused.

Recognizing These Tactics

Understanding these emotional manipulation tactics is crucial for recognizing and protecting oneself from covert narcissistic behavior.

By being aware of these subtle methods, individuals can better identify the hidden signs of narcissism and take steps to safeguard their mental and emotional well-being.

Self-Image and Validation Needs

The Hidden Need for Validation in Covert Narcissists

Covert narcissists have an insatiable need for validation and maintain a carefully curated self-image.

Unlike overt narcissists, who openly seek admiration, covert narcissists employ more subtle and concealed methods to achieve the same goal.

Subtle Methods of Validation

Instead of seeking obvious praise, covert narcissists may use tactics like fishing for compliments, downplaying their achievements to elicit reassurance, or playing the victim to gain sympathy.

These behaviors allow them to satisfy their need for validation while maintaining a facade of humility or vulnerability.

The Role of Self-Image

Covert narcissists are deeply invested in their self-image, ensuring that they appear competent, kind, or even self-sacrificing to others.

This carefully crafted image helps them manipulate those around them, as it prevents people from seeing their true intentions.

Why Awareness is Crucial

Understanding these subtle behaviors can help in identifying covert narcissist traits and protecting oneself from their manipulative tactics.

By recognizing these hidden strategies, individuals can avoid becoming entangled in their need for validation and control.

Concealed Self-Glorification

Concealed Self-Glorification in Covert Narcissists

Covert narcissists often engage in concealed self-glorification to satisfy their need for admiration without appearing overtly boastful.

These tactics are designed to elicit praise and validation from others while maintaining a facade of humility.

Fishing for Compliments

One common tactic is fishing for compliments.

Covert narcissists may make self-deprecating remarks or express doubts about their abilities to prompt others to reassure and praise them.

For example, they might say, "I'm not sure if I did a good job on that project," hoping someone will respond with, "Are you kidding? You did an amazing job!"

This indirect approach allows them to receive the validation they crave without appearing to seek it.

Humblebragging

Humblebragging is another method covert narcissists use to glorify themselves while appearing modest.

They might say something like, "I can't believe I got another promotion; I really don't deserve it," which highlights their achievements while ostensibly downplaying them.

This tactic is designed to elicit admiration and envy from others without seeming boastful.

False Modesty

False modesty is a more insidious form of self-glorification.

Covert narcissists may downplay their achievements or abilities in a way that invites others to contradict them and offer praise.

For instance, they might say, "Oh, it was nothing," after completing a significant task, prompting others to insist on their exceptional performance.

This allows them to receive the validation they seek while maintaining an appearance of humility.

Pretentious Humility

Pretentious Humility in Covert Narcissism

Pretentious humility is a hallmark of covert narcissism.

Covert narcissists often go to great lengths to appear humble and self-effacing, but their actions are driven by a desire for validation and admiration.

Downplaying Achievements

Covert narcissists frequently downplay their achievements to appear modest and unassuming.

They might say, "It was just a team effort," when they were the primary contributor to a successful project.

This tactic makes them seem humble while still drawing attention to their accomplishments.

Excessive Self-Deprecation

Excessive self-deprecation is another tactic used by covert narcissists to manipulate others into offering praise.

They might constantly criticize themselves or express doubts about their abilities, prompting others to reassure and validate them.

This behavior can create a cycle of dependency, where the victim feels compelled to continually boost the narcissist's ego.

Manipulating Praise from Others

Covert narcissists are skilled at manipulating praise from others.

They might subtly hint at their achievements or express doubts about their abilities in a way that prompts others to offer compliments and reassurance.

This indirect approach allows them to receive the validation they crave without appearing to seek it.

Secret Envy and Resentment

Hidden Envy in Covert Narcissists

Despite their outward appearance of humility, covert narcissists often harbor deep-seated envy and resentment towards others.

These feelings can manifest in a variety of underhanded and destructive behaviors.

Underhanded Competition

Covert narcissists often engage in underhanded competition with those they perceive as threats.

They might subtly undermine their rivals or engage in passive-aggressive behavior to sabotage their success.

This hidden competition allows them to maintain their facade of humility while still striving to outdo others.

Concealed Jealousy

Concealed jealousy is another common trait of covert narcissists.

They may appear supportive and congratulatory on the surface but secretly harbor feelings of envy and resentment towards those who achieve success.

This hidden jealousy can lead to passive-aggressive behaviors and attempts to undermine the achievements of others.

Undermining Others' Successes

Covert narcissists often undermine the successes of others to maintain their own sense of superiority.

They might downplay or dismiss the achievements of their peers or subtly criticize their efforts.

This behavior serves to elevate the narcissist's own self-image while diminishing the accomplishments of others.

Recognizing and Protecting Yourself

Understanding these self-image and validation needs is crucial for recognizing covert narcissistic behavior.

By being aware of these subtle tactics, individuals can better identify the hidden signs of narcissism and take steps to protect themselves from the manipulative actions of covert narcissists.

Social Dysfunction

Social Dysfunction in Covert Narcissists

Covert narcissists often exhibit significant social dysfunction, which can manifest in various ways.

Their inability to form genuine connections, reliance on role-playing, and constant need for external validation are key indicators of their underlying narcissistic personality disorder.

Difficulty Forming Genuine Connections

Covert narcissists struggle to form authentic, meaningful relationships.

Their interactions are often superficial and lack depth, making it hard for them to connect with others on a personal level.

Reliance on Role-Playing

Covert narcissists frequently rely on role-playing to navigate social situations.

They may adopt different personas to fit in or manipulate others, rather than being their true selves.

Constant Need for External Validation

A constant need for external validation is a hallmark of covert narcissists.

They seek reassurance and approval from others to bolster their fragile self-esteem.

Recognizing and Protecting Yourself

Understanding these behaviors can help in identifying covert narcissist traits and protecting oneself from their manipulative actions.

By recognizing these signs, individuals can take steps to safeguard their emotional well-being and avoid being manipulated.

Difficulty Maintaining Relationships

Difficulty in Maintaining Healthy Relationships

One of the most telling signs of covert narcissism is difficulty in maintaining healthy, long-term relationships.

This stems from their superficial connections, chronic dissatisfaction, and inability to sustain intimacy.

Superficial Connections

Covert narcissists often form superficial connections with others.

They may appear charming and engaging on the surface, but these relationships lack depth and genuine emotional connection.

This is because covert narcissists focus more on what they can gain from the relationship rather than forming a mutual, supportive bond.

As a result, their relationships are often short-lived and lack true intimacy.

Chronic Dissatisfaction

Chronic dissatisfaction is another hallmark of covert narcissists.

They are rarely content with their relationships, always finding fault or feeling that their needs are not being met.

This perpetual dissatisfaction can lead to a cycle of seeking new relationships, only to become disillusioned and dissatisfied once again.

This pattern prevents them from forming lasting, meaningful connections.

Inability to Sustain Intimacy

The inability to sustain intimacy is a significant issue for covert narcissists.

While they may initially appear loving and attentive, they struggle to maintain this level of intimacy over time.

Their need for control and fear of vulnerability often leads them to withdraw emotionally, creating distance in their relationships.

This inability to sustain intimacy can result in a series of failed relationships and emotional turmoil for their partners.

Role-Playing and False Identities

Role-Playing and False Identities in Covert Narcissism

Covert narcissists are adept at role-playing and adopting false identities to manipulate those around them.

This behavior involves masking their true personality, adapting personas to different people, and displaying inconsistencies in behavior.

Masking True Personality

One of the key tactics of covert narcissists is masking their true personality.

They often present a carefully curated image to the world, hiding their true intentions and feelings.

This mask allows them to manipulate others more effectively, as their true nature remains concealed.

This behavior makes it difficult for others to see the hidden signs of narcissism and recognize the underlying narcissistic tendencies.

Adapting Personas to Different People

Covert narcissists are skilled at adapting their personas to different people and situations.

They may present themselves as confident and assertive in one context while appearing humble and self-effacing in another.

This chameleon-like behavior helps them gain the trust and admiration of a wide range of individuals, making it challenging for others to see their true nature.

This adaptability is a key component of their covert narcissism patterns.

Inconsistencies in Behavior

Inconsistencies in behavior are another indicator of covert narcissism.

Covert narcissists may display kindness and empathy in public, only to be cold and indifferent in private.

These inconsistencies create confusion and instability in their relationships, as others struggle to reconcile the different facets of their personality.

This erratic behavior is a common trait among those with narcissistic personality disorder.

Constant Need for External Validation

The constant need for external validation is a defining characteristic of covert narcissists.

This need often manifests in social media addiction, seeking attention through drama, and validation through materialism.

Social Media Addiction

Social media addiction is a common issue for covert narcissists.

They often use social media platforms to seek validation and admiration from others.

This can involve posting carefully curated images and updates to present an idealized version of their life.

The likes, comments, and shares they receive serve as a form of validation, feeding their need for external approval.

This behavior is a clear example of their narcissist control methods.

Seeking Attention Through Drama

Covert narcissists often seek attention through drama and conflict.

They may create or exaggerate problems to draw attention to themselves and elicit sympathy from others.

This behavior can create a constant state of turmoil in their relationships, as they thrive on the attention and validation that comes from being the center of drama.

This is a common tactic in covert narcissist relationships.

Validation Through Materialism

Validation through materialism is another common trait of covert narcissists.

They may place a high value on material possessions and use them as a means of gaining admiration and validation from others.

This can involve flaunting their wealth or constantly seeking new possessions to boost their self-esteem.

This reliance on materialism is a clear indicator of their underlying need for external validation.

Recognizing and Protecting Yourself

Understanding these social dysfunctions is crucial for recognizing covert narcissistic behavior.

By being aware of these subtle tactics, individuals can better identify the hidden signs of narcissism and take steps to protect themselves from the manipulative actions of covert narcissists.

Frequently Asked Questions:

1. What makes covert narcissism particularly challenging to identify?

Covert narcissism is challenging to identify because it manifests in a more subtle and reserved demeanor.

Unlike overt narcissists, who are openly grandiose, covert narcissists exhibit quieter, more reserved behaviors.

This makes their harmful actions and manipulative tactics harder to recognize.

2. How can I recognize covert narcissistic behavior?

Recognizing covert narcissistic behavior involves being aware of subtle manipulation tactics and emotional abuse.

Covert narcissists often use indirect methods to gain validation, like fishing for compliments or feigning humility.

Their social dysfunction, such as difficulty forming genuine connections and reliance on role-playing, also provides clues.

3. Why is understanding covert narcissism important?

Understanding covert narcissism is crucial for protecting oneself from its manipulative effects.

Covert narcissists can cause significant emotional and psychological harm through their subtle and hidden tactics.

Awareness helps individuals set boundaries, protect their mental health, and avoid becoming entangled in narcissistic behaviors.

Conclusion

Covert narcissism is a subtle and insidious form of narcissistic personality disorder, making it difficult to identify.

Unlike overt narcissists, who are openly grandiose, covert narcissists are more reserved.

This distinction is crucial because their hidden nature can cause significant emotional and psychological harm.