Why Don’t My Boundaries Work? Discover What You’re Missing?
Leaving a relationship with a narcissist is never easy — especially when you're dealing with a narcissist in a child custody situation or high-conflict divorce.
It takes courage for someone dealing with abuse from a narcissist to finally enforce healthy boundaries, but these boundaries don't automatically work once you set them.
Judge Anthony says, “I hear it all the time. ‘Judge Anthony, I just left a relationship with a narcissist. I've been creating boundaries and the boundaries don't work.'
They might continue to ramp up their anger or get more violent with you.
Maybe they do things to push your buttons and make you upset.”
Why don't my boundaries work?
Boundaries often fail because they're not for controlling the narcissist, but for protecting yourself. Success depends on your self-belief and commitment to enforcing them.
Key Takeaways:
Boundaries are for self-protection, not controlling others.
Ineffective boundaries often stem from a lack of self-belief.
Mindset shift and self-enrichment are crucial for boundary success.
Recognize your strength in leaving a narcissistic relationship.
Here's how to make your boundaries stick with your narcissistic ex:
Realize Your Boundaries Aren't For Them
The most important thing to realize is that the boundaries you set are not for them.
You are never going to be able to control their behavior — the personal boundaries you set are for you to protect yourself, your well-being, and your peace.
This might be hard to hear: if setting boundaries working, it's because you're not strong enough yet.
You need to create your own boundaries and respect boundaries in a proper way.
It's difficult to come out of a narcissistic relationship where your confidence and self-worth are diminished and immediately bounce back.
If your boundary setting isn't working, it's because you haven't gotten to the place where you believe you're truly worthy of peace and unconditional, healthy love.
You do not believe how strong, capable, courageous, and independent you really are (yet).
You Need to Change Your Mindset
You need to shift your mindset for your boundaries to work.
When you set boundaries and it isn't working, it is only for one main reason: you continue to believe the bullshit story you've been telling yourself about why you are not worthy, courageous, strong, or lovable.
Judge Anthony says, “You need to stop telling yourself that bullshit story.
The only way you're going to stop doing that is by self-enrichment – by surrounding yourself with people who love you, support you, push you up, want to see you grow, and are happy for you.
If you are having feelings of low self-esteem, you need to identify what's causing it. It could be family members, drug addiction, negative attention, setting limits with poor mindset in real life, or any other thing. You need to come over with it.
If you don't have people in your life to help you with these things, start to educate yourself with podcasts and YouTube videos.
Start following creators who really care about you and are trying to teach you.”
(Following Judge Anthony on TikTok, Instagram, or Facebook is a great place to start!)
Recognize Your Inner Strength
You have more strength and power in you than you realize.
Instead of placing all the guilt on yourself for staying in the relationship for as long as you did, it's time to start patting yourself on the back.
Give yourself a high-five because you got yourself out of a terrible situation.
Acknowledge the Difficulty of Leaving
Romantic relationships with a narcissists are one of the hardest relationships to leave because they destroy your self-worth and make you feel like you have nowhere else to go.
News flash: you're an amazing and capable human being who deserved a better life and chose to get the hell out. Start seeing yourself in that light.
Frequently Asked Questions:
Why do boundaries often fail when dealing with a narcissistic ex?
Boundaries often fail with a narcissistic ex because they see boundaries as a challenge rather than a limit.
Narcissists are driven by a need for control and may test, ignore, or push against boundaries to provoke a reaction.
It's also important to remember that the effectiveness of boundaries relies heavily on your mindset and commitment to enforcing them, not just on setting them.
How can I strengthen my resolve to maintain boundaries with a narcissistic ex?
Strengthening your resolve requires a shift in mindset.
Focus on self-enrichment by surrounding yourself with supportive people who uplift you and help reinforce your self-worth.
Engaging in self-care activities and consuming empowering content like podcasts, books, and videos can also reinforce your belief in your right to peace and respect.
Understanding that boundaries are for your protection and not about controlling the narcissist's behavior is key.
What are some practical steps I can take to protect myself in a high-conflict custody battle with a narcissist?
In a high-conflict custody battle, it's crucial to document all interactions with your narcissistic ex, maintain clear and consistent boundaries, and avoid engaging in emotional arguments.
Seeking professional support from a therapist or counselor can also help you navigate the emotional toll.
Additionally, consider legal guidance and resources, like Judge Anthony's programs or his free masterclass on beating a narcissist in custody court, to better prepare yourself for the challenges ahead.
Conclusion
It’s time to move forward, grow upward, and stop believing the bullshit story you’ve been telling yourself in your head. You can do it. You will do it. Today is the day. It starts now.
For extra assistance in your high-conflict child custody battle or divorce case, consider one of Judge Anthony’s programs. Or you can register for his free masterclass, How To Beat A Narcissist In Custody Court So You Can Finally Get Some Peace.
