Playing the Victim: How a Toxic Narcissistic Ex Manipulates a Child Custody Case and High-Conflict Divorce

Divorce and child custody cases can bring out the worst in people, especially when dealing with a toxic narcissistic ex. Narcissists are known for their ability to manipulate and control situations to their advantage, even to the detriment of their own children. In a high-conflict divorce, a toxic narcissistic ex will often play the part of the victim to get what they want. Here are some of the ways they do this and three reasons why they do it.

1. Playing the victim to gain sympathy

One of the most common tactics of a toxic narcissistic ex is to play the victim to gain sympathy from others. They will often exaggerate or outright lie about their role in the divorce, painting themselves as the innocent party who was wronged by their spouse. They may also twist the truth to make it seem like their spouse is the one who is causing all the problems and that they are simply trying to protect their children.

By playing the victim, a narcissistic ex can gain sympathy from friends, family, and even the court. This sympathy can then be used to their advantage, such as getting a more favorable custody arrangement or even gaining full custody of the children.

2. Using the children as pawns

Another common tactic of a toxic narcissistic ex is to use their children as pawns in the divorce. They may try to turn the children against their other parent, using them as a way to get revenge. For example, they may tell the children lies about their other parent, make false accusations, or even try to alienate them from their other parent.

By using the children as pawns, a narcissistic ex can gain control and power in the divorce. They may use the children as leverage to get what they want, such as a more favorable custody arrangement or even a larger share of the marital assets.

3. Gaslighting and blame-shifting

Gaslighting and blame-shifting are two other tactics that a toxic narcissistic ex may use in a high-conflict divorce. Gaslighting involves making the other person doubt their own sanity or perception of reality, while blame-shifting involves deflecting blame onto others. For example, a narcissistic ex may accuse their spouse of being emotionally unstable or mentally ill, making the other person question their own mental health. They may also blame their spouse for the problems in the marriage, even when they were the ones who caused them.

By gaslighting and blame-shifting, a narcissistic ex can make themselves look like the victim and make their spouse look like the one who is causing all the problems. This can be used to gain sympathy from others and to make it seem like they are the more stable and responsible parent.

In conclusion, a toxic narcissistic ex will often play the part of the victim in a child custody case and high-conflict divorce to gain sympathy, use their children as pawns, and gaslight or blame-shift to make themselves look like the innocent party. It's important to recognize these tactics and to take steps to protect yourself and your children from their manipulations. Seek the help of a qualified attorney and mental health professional to navigate the complexities of a high-conflict divorce and to ensure the best outcome for you and your children.

For further help and assistance in dealing with a toxic, narcissistic ex in your divorce or child custody case, be sure to register for Judge Anthony’s free masterclass, “How To Beat A Narcissist In Custody Court So You Can Finally Get Some Peace.” This masterclass uncovers three strategies you can use in your case immediately.

You can also hire Judge Anthony as a consultant to work privately with you in your case.